William Penn Adair Rogers — who was bear on November 4 , 1879 — place among the fine performers , comedians , and social commentators in American history . So today , let ’s all find an self-justification to recite some of his effective comment .
1. On humor
“ Everything is funny , as long as it ’s happen to somebody else . ”
2. On learning
“ Why do n’t they overstep a inbuilt amendment prohibit anybody from learning anything ? If it operate as well as prohibition did , in five years we will have the smart people on earth . ”
3. On politics
" I was born on November 4 , which is Election Day … my birthday has made more man and sent more back to honest work than any other days in the class . "
4. On spelling
“ When I first pop out out to pen and misspell a few words , people said I was patently unlettered . But when I got all the words incorrect , they declared I was a humourist . ”
5. On shame
“ Live in such a way that you would n’t be ashamed to sell the kin parrot to the town chin wag . ”
6. On veterinarians
“ honest doctor in the Earth is a veterinary surgeon . He ca n’t ask his patients what ’s the subject . He ’s just get to know . ”
7. On being human
“ It ’s great to be not bad , but it ’s greater to be human . ”
8. On Albert Einstein
" This Einstein has proven a great comfort to us that always be intimate we did n’t know much . He has shown us that the companion that we thought was smart is just as dumb as we are . "
9. On righting wrongs
“ There is nothing as gentle as mark … It do n’t take much to see that something is wrong but it does take some eyesight to see what will put it decent again . ”
10. On fanatics
“ A fiend is always the feller that is on the polar side . ”
11. On age
" finally you hit a point when you break off lying about your old age and begin boast about it . "
12. On comedians versus politicians
" Everything is changing in America . People are have the comedian badly and the politicians as a put-on . "
13. On the state of the world
“ This would be a great humankind to trip the light fantastic toe in if we did n’t have to pay the fiddler . ”
14. On laughter
“ [ Get ] a few laughs and do the good you’re able to … Live your life so that whenever you turn a loss , you ’re ahead . ”
15. On question marks
" I was bear on election day but never was able to get elected to anything . I am go to spring out some day and be indefinite enough about everything that they will call me a political leader , then run on a platform of motion marks , and be elected unanimously . "
16. On taxes
" get hold things to tax is becoming quite a problem . You see when taxes first begin ( who started ‘em anyhow ? ) , Noah must have taken into the ark two taxes , one male person and one female , and did they multiply plenteously ! Next to guinea pigs , taxis must have been the most prolific of animals . "
17. On universal ignorance
" Everybody is unknowledgeable only on different subject area . "
18. On desire
" We do n’t know what we want , but we ’re quick to seize with teeth somebody to get it . "
BONUS: ONE THING WILL ROGERS DIDN’T SAY
“ I never met a valet I did n’t like . ”
Ironically , for somebody who came up with so much Grade A material , most people associate Rogers with a long - livedmisquote . In actuality , the full , unchanged pipeline was : “ I joked about every large man in my lifetime , but I never met one I did n’t like . ” A few year before his death in 1935 , Rogers proposed it as anepitaphfor his tombstone . However , the shortened variation does appearchiseledupon his last resting place in Claremore , Oklahoma .
